Love Like Evergreens
by sachii.ballpoint
Summary: At the loss of her first and secret love, Shizuru gains a much more subtle, more gentle, more deeper kind of love. One that can only come from being a mother. ShizNat
1. 6 Feet Under

She loved her for three years.

Beginning from a glance, progressing from an awkward, almost one sided friendship.

She loved how once trusted, the girl, in her own way, felt more at ease to depend on her and from observation, realized, on her alone.

She loved her dearly, like she loved no other.

And then, one fine summer day, she loved the girl no more.

The ceremony took half a day of endless Shinto prayers and stories, about the girl that lived too short and with dreams left unfinished.

She held her heart in, as she watched the casket lower, 6 feet underground.

Her love, along with the past 3 years, hitting the dirt with a small anti-climactic thud.

It felt like she stood there forever, holding her gaze as the men threw dirt over and atop where her friend lay sleeping, never to wake with a huff again, like all those afternoons ago.

Like forever, until her heart would cease from shattering into nothing, that will slowly but surely consume her for the days to come, she knew.

Like forever, until her hand felt a small tug and her eyes were torn away, only to land on a familiar face, and on familiar viridian green eyes, so bright and alive like the ones from her beloved, she thought, was too ethereal and beautiful, it could only belong to her and her alone.

Green eyes, big and innocent looked at her with question.

"Onee-chan" The little girl began her voice a small echo in the falling rain.

"How do you know my mom?"

Her heart, that day, she realized, was now buried 6 feet underground.

A heart that, although had been reduced to dust and ashes, restarted, thudding in her ears so loud she heard nothing else all.

TBC

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**Author**: Just to let the few people who might miraculously like this story know, I'll be a little busy with my fourth year thesis, company internships and whatnot so updates may be slow. Hope you don't mind though.


	2. Motherhood

A month and a half had passed since Saeko's funeral, and although Shizuru had hoped normalcy would, before long, return to her every day as soon as her friend's absence became as much a part of her life as breathing, she found out soon enough that normalcy, could change faces faster than a heartbeat.

Against the opposition of her parents, she has, for the moment, accepted the role of mother to Saeko's little girl, who has no known relatives and at the loss of her mother, no more place to call home.

Shizuru had felt betrayed learning that her friend had kept her motherhood at such a young age a secret. Found herself burning in anger over the man that loved Saeko only to leave when pleasure became a responsibility. Felt every form of destructive emotion flickering through her, in the instant green eyes met red.

But above all, she felt so unsure and hopeless, as that tiny hand held on to her with such warmth, as if asking for security in the confusing event of death.

The little girl, Natsuki, had followed her home so carelessly, simply and easily lead by the hand to her apartment. It was, in this lack of distrust, she felt the need to look after her.

Natsuki looked so very much alike Saeko she could figure nothing out about the young girl's father.

She had the same inky black hair that, when hit by the sun, reflects a sheen of navy blue; the same pale white skin so translucent, her embarrassment colored her ears and cheeks a petal like pink; the same stunning viridian green eyes as her mother's there was no doubt Saeko's blood was pulsing through this little girl of five years.

However, unlike Saeko who always felt guarded and reticent, Natsuki was simply shy.

The night she had first brought the little girl home, Natsuki seemed so hesitant in entering she stood at the doorway for a few good minutes, her shoulders bent forward as if trying to take up as little space as possible.

She spoke in a small voice and answered in short, polite sentences.

She never told of the things she wanted but when given, she'd cast her eyes down, shuffling her feet, her face bloomed in the most adorable shade of red and she mutters a thank you, always.

It didn't take long before Shizuru found herself genuinely caring for the girl as one would their own child.

And, a year later, Natsuki had lost all memories of ever living elsewhere but with her.

"Okaa-san, are you gonna come home late again today?" Natsuki asked .

Without turning, Shizuru knew her daughter was sulking, Natsuki, Shizuru had realized a few months earlier in her motherhood, was easy to get lonely and disliked being left In the apartment by herself.

She thought back to how, everytime she and Saeko were invited out during their second year of college, Saeko would, without fail, refuse if it meant having to come home passed six.

Now she knew why.

"I probably will, do you think you'd be okay until then?"

She had turned to look at the little girl as she balanced herself with one hand on the wall, fitting one high heeled boot after the other.

Natsuki's eyes fell to the floor, a disheartened look marring her tiny little face.

Shizuru felt herself partway submitting to her daughter's silent plea to stay.

"Mm" Natsuki mumbled, "I'll be okay, I have Duran" she said, pointing towards her stuffed toy dog.

Her mother smiled, patting her gently on the head.

"I'm going" Shizuru had sung in a practiced voice.

"Take care" her daughter returned with a small wave.

The door clicked shut and Natsuki once again, felt so very, very small.

.

.

Shizuru had always thought herself a night person.

It was in the hustle and bustle of city nights that she always felt more alive and animated, and had, on one occasion described the feeling as being in a modern fairy tale.

The sparks and pixy dust of olden times, replaced by music and lights of the booming commercial world.

She had always loved going down town with Fuuka University's student council whenever the meetings ran late and their stomachs very much empty.

Had always loved the way she lived her college life, designed to be lived for her sake and hers alone.

Loved all her care free rituals that spoke of her youth.

Loved it all, that is, until now.

It was a quarter passed seven and although her peers were laughing and jesting and bursting in an almost mistakably intoxicated drunkenness, all she could think about, was the little girl she left home alone.

She had wanted to politely decline the invitation as soon as Reito had, much like always, suggested the idea to eat out, wanted to quickly excuse herself from the council meeting as soon as Yukino spoke the words 'meeting adjourned' but, although she knew it could have been that simple, she also knew a sudden change in attitude would only be cause for concern, and with concern comes questions. Probably ones she couldn't afford to answer at the moment.

"Oi Fujino, what's the matter? You've been quiet all night long" her friend and the student council's Disciplinary Officer, Haruka had asked on their way to the train station.

One eyebrow raised, hands on her waist, very typical of Haruka when suspicious.

"Nothing's wrong" she answered; Haruka didn't seem convinced of course.

"Really" she tried again, "Thank you for your concern"

"If you don't want to say, then don't" Haruka had huffed blushing and mumbling a "Who's concerned?, idiot"

Although they rode the same train, living in the same direction, Haruka's drop off were two stations earlier than Shizuru's, so after waving each other goodbye, Shizuru spent her time alone thinking about whether Natsuki had eaten the croquettes and miso soup she left for her on the table.

Does Natsuki remember how to use the microwave? And if she happened to have forgotten, she wouldn't eat her dinner cold now would she? Should she buy the little girl something from the nearby convenience store on the way home? No, that would be a very unhealthy meal to give to a six years old. Maybe she could make Natsuki something when she gets home, there were still some beef in the freezer if she remembers correctly, Would it be alright to feed Natsuki Karaage?

All these worries and questions were burning a hole in her otherwise calm revere, Shizuru never pegged herself to be a worrier, But now she knew, She might as well be the worst kind.

.

.

"Natsuki I'm home" She called out pulling her heavy coat off to hang at the clothes rack by the door.

"Natsuki?" she called again when the little girl had failed to answer, hurriedly pulling off her boots in a slight panic.

She glanced at her wrist watch and read 8:45, Natsuki wouldn't be asleep this early would she?

"Natsuki?" She called again, hoping to find her in the living room, she wasn't there.

The dining room, was as empty of Natsuki as the living room

The kitchen…

Or what used to be a kitchen Shizuru thought, taking in the disarray of spilt milk, sugar and flour and the heavy smells of burnt chocolate wafting through the adjourning door.

Broken egg shells were littered all over, and still, her daughter was nowhere to be found.

"Natsuki" she called in a much stricter voice.

Behind the kitchen counter, she heard a small inhale of breath, and she could feel the little girl virtually stiffen in anticipation of a scolding she knew was about to come.

Of course she would have to discipline Natsuki about her behavior. Not only did she manage to turn the kitchen a step away from Armageddon in a single night, she had also wasted a week's worth of eggs and milk and what have you, now bubbling in a pot of indiscernible muck.

Natsuki was in deep trouble.

"Natsuki" She exhaled, finally finding her daughter hiding behind the low cupboards, shivering and hiding her face with Duran.

"Natsuki what is with this mess!?" She had shouted, a little too loud once she had rounded the corner and met frightened green eyes.

Natsuki shook and hiccupped, and stuttered peeking one teary green eye from behind her stuffed toy.

"I'm so-so-sowwy" She managed, pushing herself a little further back into the cupboards.

Shizuru felt terrible having to scare the little girl, but she also knew she had no choice. She couldn't make herself out to be an irresponsible parent.

She reached out, wanting to pull the girl up and sit her down on a chair, but once her hand hovered atop the tiny head of black hair, Natsuki had reeled, probably thinking she would strike her.

Shizuru retracted her hand and crouched, she figured, hovering over the little girl was probably a little scary for Natsuki in their present situation. And so, likewise she leveled her voice to a stern, but gentler tone.

"Natsuki, what were you trying to do? What happened?" Shizuru coaxed, slowly moving Duran away from her little girl's face.

Natsuki's eyebrows knitted, and between hiccups and gasps she had explained that she was trying to bake a cake.

"A cake?" Shizuru asked puzzled. "Whatever for Natsuki? if you wanted a cake you should have just told me, Why go through all this trouble"

"No! no! I don't want a cake!" Natsuki protested confusing Shizuru all the more.

Children were very hard to understand.

Often times they told you one thing, and quickly told you another, all without batting an eyelash.

"Natsuki doesn't want a cake!"

Shizuru had noticed her daughter's habit of speaking in third person whenever fearing she wasn't getting her point across, and so, whenever this occurs, she tried her best to listen.

"Natsuki doesn't want a cake!" the little girl repeated "Natsuki… Natsuki was baking a cake for okaa-san…" She said, her voice, almost a whisper, as if speaking of a secret.

"For me?"

"Mm!" she nodded her face brightening a little,

"But… the cake turned into soup" Natsuki turned equally confused green eyes towards red.

"Kaa-san's cake turned into soup" She said, pointing towards the bubbling pot of chocolate stew visible from the open microwave door.

Shizuru reached for Natsuki, and the child, a little less afraid, allowed herself to be pulled up, wounding her arms on her mother's neck before she was placed on a clean spot on the counter.

"For kaa-san's birthday" Natsuki completed.

After a moment of silent contemplation, everything clicked into place.

Shizuru, on this day, was 21 winters old.

Not only did her friends forget, but she herself, amidst the school work, and council meetings, and motherhood, and what have you, left all thought of this day at the back of her mind.

Everyone forgot but a tiny six years old named Natsuki.

A small smile replaced Shizuru's previously displeased expression, and she felt herself bubble a form of love and pride probably exclusive to mothers alone and she loved it.

"What happened to my cake?" Shizuru teased watching her daughter's face turn puzzled once again.

"It turned into soup" Natsuki said matter of fact.

Shizuru placed a chaste kiss on her daughter's cheek covered in flour and turned to retrieve her present from the microwave.

"Well, to tell you the truth Natsuki, baking a cake should be done in an oven" She told her, pointing at the oven right underneath the microwave.

Green eyes grew big in an 'aha!' like moment of childish enlightenment and Shizuru couldn't fight a giggle at her daughter's adorably cute expression.

She dipped her pinky finger and popped the chocolate stew in her mouth.  
"Mm, chocolate, milk and egg soup my favorite"

And Natsuki smiled, greeted her, her first 'happy birthday' and made her stuffed toy Duran give her a peck on the cheek.

_You've gotten five years of this in your life, I'm glad._

Shizuru thought hoping her old friend could hear her.

Motherhood was far from perfect, Shizuru knew, and although it might never be, she had Natsuki for a daughter, everything would be okay.

TBC

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**Author:** There you are! Some questions answered from the previous chapter. I hope you guys look forward for the next one. Until then!


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